Saturday, July 04, 2009

Rag Doll

I turn, once again, to the delectable Mr. Levine.
You are not what you seem, you are a mystery to me, sometimes I just wanna scream.
Of course, I should follow that with:
I think you should just go away cause, there's no necessity for you to stay and, next time you come around my way, forget it baby, I'm not comin in.
Instead of which I have (no longer Mr. Levine):
Some people live with the fear of a touch, and the anger of having been a fool. I know you don't wanna hear what I say. I know you're gonna keep turning away. But I've been there and if I can survive, I can keep you alive: I'm not above going through it again. You know you only hurt yourself out of spite; I guess you'd rather be a loner tonight. That's your decision. 
Thankfully though, I don't have:
I'm not above being cool for a while; if you're cruel to me I'll understand.
Though I guess I did.

Funnily though, I always thought I'd be on the other end of that one. Must have happened when I wasn't looking!

However, there is so much I have learned from you, you wonderful, wonderful, unexpected boy, things about me that I really did need to know to keep the future together. And there is so much you can learn from me, only you don't really want to. Can't help you there. I wonder, did I do that too? Was there someone desprately calling out to me and tossing me lifebelts when I thought I was whirling in my pool of loneliness? I don't think so, but if someone was, I'm sorry. I'll keep better watch next time. Hopefully there will be no next time!

It makes me sad though, more than everything else, because there is so much you can be if only you'd let go. Then again, one thing I've always hated is people trying to make me the best they think I can be, which might have nothing in common with the best I want to be, or just plain who I want to be.

However, there's a fine line between accomodating someone and enabling them and their effect on your life. I'm teetering right now, but I got my OOF and Pnjubbi Kudi yanking very hard to stabilize. Thank you for reminding me OOF, that I'm a kitteh, not a puppy. 

Life is a very strange thing. So I shall let my darling Adam sum it up for me.
But I cannot forget, refuse to regret, so glad that I met you.
But no further.

No comments:

Post a Comment