Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Weverb12 #23 communicate [LISTEN]

Describe a conversation that you had this year. Why was it memorable?

I'm sure I have had many conversations this year that were interesting, engaging and possibly even life or thought altering. And of course, most of them were with The Bride, as she says here (shameless me plug hee). Some were with Chocolate Boy, who has turned out to have been possibly Big Mistake of 2012, because of sigh him not talking to me anymore for no reason I can fathom. Several were with Amma, some with Scoo, and plenty with a random selection of people across the board. But if i were to look back and think of a conversation that I can point to and say this, yes this very conversation changed my life dramatically, it would have to be the one I had with OW, The Bride and S.

S is a friend from the days at Toilet, except he wasn't really a friend. He worked in the same team as I did, our tiny group of ten, and we had a ton of friends in common. But--he later explained this to me--he doesn't socialize with people in his team, so always remained slightly douchebaggy and distant. I ignored him. Then one day in 2010, I ran into him in a bar in CP completely unexpectedly and we made polite conversation. He disappeared again. Then, one day in July I saw something on his Facebook about living in Delhi and asked if he was here. Very enthuly he replied and said let's get a drink, which we did, since 1. I can't say no, 2. I was DESPERATE for friends and 3. Any excuse to drink.

Our hour-long quick drink became three hours and five drinks and so began a lovely friendship involving alcohol and hilarity. The thing I liked most about S was that fact that he had that trait I call Hyderabadi, where anything goes. You want to hang out and I'm having dinner with a friend? Come! That super openminded welcoming attitude doesn't exist in Delhi, and I really appreciated having the security of convivial company when I needed it. He was relaxed and tolerant, and would happily talk about anything, and felt no need to talk exclusively about what interested him, which again is super rare.

Then The Bride came to visit and I drummed up drinking company--after all the girl hadn't had a nice desi out drinking with friends in dive bar scene for so long hee. OW and S both came, and OW displayed some startlingly adolescent behaviour--which should have warned me, but sigh I must always believe the best of people. And we ended up, OW, The Bride, S and I, in my house till 3am, having a long ideological discussion on gender and and identity politics. And throughout that conversation I would find myself opening my mouth to say something, only S would say it instead. Or I would say something and he'd nod frantically and say 'EXACTLY!' And I discovered over the course of that conversation that this man (yes, man, not boy) is a revelation. He is actually everything I would want in a partner--not because we agree, but because we seem to approach things the same way, with the same mindset and attitude; because we both believe in live and let live, and persuasion, not yelling. I cringe as I say this, but he was kinda like the male version of The Bride.

Starting that conversation, I began to see all these sides to him I never knew existed and (you know where this is going...) today he is a very dear friend, and of course the object of my affections. And well, the object of HIS affections is his girlfriend of ten years. Yay MinCat, I sure know how to pick em. Though I should be glad this one is wrong only because of said girlfriend--nothing to do with who he is, which is usually the problem!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Weverb12 #22 recharge [CREATE]

What did you do to recharge your batteries in 2012?

Oh this one's easy. I did it lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng ago, nearly a year ago in fact. I went to the Andamans, for five days, with my gay best friend, aka Favourite Colleague. It came at the end of four months of sheer insanity. We'd both been promoted and moved to another department, but were doing work in both as part of the transition. Then we'd gone to Jaipur for the lit fest--our very first time and semi-officially. We were running around like lunatics. Some time in December I'd broached the subject of running away to the Andamans in February or March, and we'd booked tickets. We took off, I remember and it was all still a haze of last minute things and where to go. All we knew was that we wanted to go to Havelock Island. We'd forgotten to figure out accommodation or anything, and luckily Amma has a fixer from her frequent visits, and he set us up perfectly.

When we landed in Port Blair is when it finally began to sink in that we were on vacation. And then those four day were just--so wonderful that words cannot describe them! I read seven books. He read three. We took walks on the beach, lay in the sand, swam about in a bay that was like our own personal saltwater swimming pool. We went snorkelling and I saw a Sri Lankan Wrasse in the wild! We spent a lot of time sitting around at the Rajiv Gandhi sports facility near the harbour in Port Blair, and were thrilled to bits by the clarity of the water. It was truly heaven. We left each other alone, seeking company when wanted and peacefully lounging around when not.

I will punctuate this with some photos later. It truly was the best thing I did in 2012, even though I went to Colombia. I was so recharged when I came back! Which was a good thing because work bodyslammed us on return heh!

Weverb12 #21read [LIVE]

Did you read a book this year that left you craving more when it was over?

This is a cheating question to ask someone in publishing...I did indeed read a book that left me wanting more, but it was a manuscript, and it won't be out till April in India and September abroad. And of course, being in publishing I got to demand and read beginning of sequel heh. I also know what happens through the series.

Seriously though, what does it mean to be left craving more? Do I want more info on what happened to characters, or on subject if it's nonfic? Do I want more writing by this author? Do I want this book to never end?

As far as the first goes, Cracked (abovementioned hee) definitely fits the bill, as does a book of mine that did come out last year--Land of the Seven Rivers. That one is non-fiction, and really really good. A book about India's history, but in a tidbitty, things you never knew way that completely avoids the usual tropes of history books, I loved it when I got the manuscript, and then while working on it came to deeply admire the author and be very grateful to work with someone who works the same way I do! At the end of it all I want to say is MOARRRRRR. These bill Brysony books about India are SO FASCINATING that I just anted him to keep writing about various parts of India. I hope he does. Actually, this book fulfills all three of the interpretations of the questions I have up there--I want more information about all sorts of things in the book; I want more by him, anything; I want the books to never end.

I really don't mean to plug my own books but I have also realized the occupational hazard about working in publishing is that nothing gets the kind of intense attention a book you work on does--I mean I have read these books six or seven times each, in the space of two or three months.So when I likes em, I likes em good.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Weverb12 #20 reminisce [GROW]

What distant memory/time did you find yourself longing for in 2012?

Well, I don't even know where to start! I've always had a problem of living somewhere or somewhen else, but it's something I brought under control by 2010. But, after 2011, I found myself often longing to be somewhen else--specifically, July 2007 when I was so filled with hope and joy and surety about the future, or April 2010, when I was so sure of my place in the world, and was prepared to take on anything the universe threw at me (hah, be careful what you wish for...).

I have also long believed that, whatever has happened to me, I refuse to regret it, and I will never want to go back and redo it, because everything that I have done and said and has happened to me is what makes me who I am, and I LIKE who I am. But this year, for the first time, I have often wished for do-overs, whether BBot, or weight, or not moving to Delhi in 2005--and this is the scariest thing that has happened to me all year.

#19 was: exercise [LIVE]: How did you live actively in 2012? What will you change in 2013?
Least said, soonest mended.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Weverb12 # 18 soak [LISTEN]:

What have you soaked in this year? (Baths, sun, ideas?) How did it affect your mentality?

Well, if I could just twist the meaning of soak a bit, I'd have to say I have soaked--marinated even--in whiskey this year. It has affected me by making me even less likely to get drunk, and often making me (and other people) worry I might be turning into an alcoholic.

I have soaked in some ideas--YA writing for work, sex and relationships (which seems to have become like a hobby), friendship and family--but I can't say anything really stands out. I did also soak in a bath during our sales conference, in the very large, very posh, very gorgeous bathroom of the equally large, posh and gorgeous room I ended up having to myself. That was rather divine. I also fell in love with the rain shower they had...

To me the idea of soaking n something implies a degree of peace and the space to let go and not be tense, which is something I haven't felt much this year, so it's hard for me to really come up with anything concrete.

I'm thinking that this is turning into a series of sad little wines about my life, so starting now, I am going to pick the prompts I have something to say about, and try and remember the good in 2012.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013


I've been rather good about my New Year posts, but somehow, this year, I can't bring myself to even look at the year that's past, because I am nowhere near ready to deal with it. Nothing especially horrible happened, in fact I acquired Career and now even friends, but that whole raw, bloody mess of..of...mess--I can't deal with it. I have spent most of my energy this year holding it together, and while the past two months have helped my composure enormously, I don't think I have enough to do a year in review. I don't have the hope to do resolutions either, so I'll just leave you all with good wishes for 2013, and my personal hope that it not be worse than 2012--I'll take as bad as, but I don't think I can deal with worse.

Weverb12 #17 thank [HOPE]

Write that thank you note that you've been meaning to send this year… or would like to send next year…

The reason I've gotten stuck with these is partly because of the visitors I've had, partly because I've been feeling fragile and really haven't wanted to reflect/probe, but mostly because I just don't know what to say here. I think that I would not have survived 2012 without four people. Not that I'd have killed myself or anything, but I probably would have run home to hide under my bed. And by home I meant Hyderabad.

 The first two on this list are, without doubt, my parents. I cannot begin to articulate how amazing they are. Yes, they have fucked up often, especially in the past. We have had our disagreements, and how! But at the end of the day, they have always stood firm by me. Poog has taken issue with some things they have done and said, but my point to her has always been that they are human, they are doing what they think is best for me, because they love me, not because they are worried that society will shame them, or because it's how things have always been done. If they say to me, babe losing weight will help you get a guy, it's not because they think I'm not good enough how I m, but because they know that I want to get married, they know that guys and society want women a certain way and thus, the easiest way to make my life easier is to just lose weight. I know this too, but I reject it. And they accept that as well. Mostly, this year I have seen them take giant steps to change and adapt to me, to what I want; they have consciously accepted that I am an adult and might do things differently from them, and have supported me unconditionally regardless. They no longer tell me what they think, they ask me what I want and how they can help me get it. I can't think of people my age who are capable of doing something like this--just accepting someone you love and their life, their choices and what they need--so I am amazed that they have managed it. So thank you Amma and Appa.

The third person on the list, again, is no surprise--The Bride. My lodestone, my yardstick, my voice of reason, she is someone I can literally say anything to, without fear of judgement. She is someone who I can trust from the bottom of my heart will always tell me straight what she thinks, and when I'm being an idiot, with no agenda. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a friend like her in their lives. Thank you for all the hours of shrinking and silliness, handholding and advice, faffing and love. I'll never ever regret the Pisspot =)

The last person on this list is new to my life, and has become, over the past eight months, practically indispensable. I have written posts to him before, but I need to say this once more, loud and clear if only to remind myself, when I'm cranky, of the truth to his presence in my life. The help and support I've had from Amma, Appa and the Bride have been invaluable and vital, but on a day to day basis, there are days I would not have made it out of bed if it hadn't been for Lithium. And it's the blog that got me to meet him, so yay blog =) Midnight meltdowns, driving all the way to see me because I was sad and needed cuddling, always answering the phone, random movies and days spent in silliness, vast amounts of alcohol--you have been the rock I have clung to this horrible horrible year, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.