For someone who has only heard about three songs by the Rolling Stones, and has always thought Mr J is repulsive rather than attractive, it is rather ironic that he has become my guru. Well, maybe not my guru so much as his song has become my mantra.
Because, you see, you CAN'T always get what you want.
So the thing is, you know how people always walk around under the belief that, while bad things happen, they don't happen to me? It may not be a conscious belief--in fact it rarely is--but on some level, while we know bad things do happen, we think we will escape, even if they happen to the ones we love the most. 'There but for the grace of God...'
A corollary of this seems to be the equally strong belief that we get what we want, as long as we are patient or proactive, depending on the school of thought.
But very little observation will quickly reveal that neither of these is true! People often get shafted by the universe, and very many kind and deserving people just never get what they want. Sometimes you get something else and realize it is, also in the immortal words of Mr J, it's what you need. Sometimes you realize you didn't really want it after all, whether you get it or not. But enough times, you want it and you don't get it, no matter what you do.
And yet, somehow, we seem incapable of actually accepting this fact.
Someone has to be in that group. Maybe one of those someones is me. And before there is a chorus of of course nots, let me say that this is not an emotional melodramatic statement. It's just a statement. And just as we will never know we won't get what we want, we never know we will either. The problem only comes in when our belief is pushing us in the direction of thinking yes it will happen, because then we are always in a state of pre-excitement, which just means we get disappointed too much. And then, when we think we won't get it, we are in a state of pre-disappointment, and that's really hard to deal with too. The important thing I guess is to just accept that sometimes people just don't get what they deserve. Accepting that I think has really helped me turn the corner on the horror of the past six months. I might actually be emerging from the hole for reals this time ladies and gents--two weeks meltdown free...touch wood =)
From The Bride, who cannot beat the word verification
ReplyDeleteYay for deholing. I think the whole The Alchemist "the universe conspires if you want it badly enough" school of thought might be responsible for this state being so pervasive. Then again, maybe some people are just predisposed to it.
Very nicely written and well said!
ReplyDeleteSomewhere there has to be a reality check. If you want something and are not already on the way and halfway there you are probably not going to be get it.
Everything is not going to magically happen. It never does
thankee =)
ReplyDeleteand welcome!
i wouldn't go so far as to say that if you want something and you're not halfway there you're not going to get it, but i think it's disempowering to not accept the possibility that you might not.
and amen to that last line!
A related and kind of complementary thought
ReplyDeleteGood things may not be happening to you but that does not mean that you have to continue to receive the bad things happening to you.
sometimes when times are bad you can choose to end it. It may look difficult like quitting a bad job or ending a painful relationship but in the long run it gives you a chance to be happier and maybe fulfill that dream you are chasing
funny you should say that since i also finally, a year and a half later, figured out WHY i needed to break up with BBot and why it didn't work.
ReplyDeletebelieve me, i completely subscribe to that stance. but, if youll read earlier posts, youll see that it is no such thing. the only thing i can end is my own perspective, which i think i am managing to do.