Monday, January 25, 2010

In which we are bitten by the Zen

Yes, quite the oxymoron. It refers, however, to the new Zennity that has pervaded my life. I'm at a loss to explain how the switch flipped, but I simply can't be bothered to get upset about things anymore - quite the reversal from flipping out over every tiny thing.

Essentially, after a fraught month of not enjoying my time with BBot much because I was angry with him for being perpetually late (by a minimum of thirty minutes, which, added to my minimum of ten minutes early for everything, makes it forty), not answering the phone, stealing my laptop charger without telling me and making me feel like in his estimation whatever I was doing that might have been lost if the laptop crashed was worthless, or doing small but infinitely annoying things that matter to me, I took a deep breath one day and decided it just wasn't worth it. Granted, the annoyance can sometimes be very real, like missing the beginning of a movie, or leaving someone waiting for you all alone for an hour, but the solutions are simple - plan for the lateness! If the punctuality is that important, retain control of your travel arrangements. If the crisis is so bad, call your mum! Or the Dragon. Because you cannot control another person, nor can you control most events, which makes it far more important for relationships and blood pressure to just deal with what happens instead of ranting about how it should have been.

Now this seems to be sound relationship advice, and I must say it has had a wonderfully idyllifying effect on my relationship. I find, however, that it's also spilled over into other things!

There was a serious snafu with the key to my house, which meant that I was locked out on arrival and stranded without access to work clothes or work laptop, and the New Flatmate (NF) was off on a trip. I stood there and began to fume - what the fuck! I've told him a million times he should check to see the spare is outside before locking up! I also asked him a million times to get the key copied so the maid and I will BOTH have keys! After adjusting to his routine I was the one who'd have to find a locksmith, miss half a day of work, have the house broken into and a new lock put in, and deal with the building (my name's not on the lease) if they asked quesitons, and worse still, deal with the Horrid Brownnosing Boss (HBB).

But then, I suddenly took a deep breath and realised, I could get a loaner laptop, and I was planning to sleep at the parents anyway. I could go to work for this one day, and since the next day before the return of NF is a holiday, I'd be fine. So I didn't yell at NF on the phone, I did sleep well, I did have a relaxed morning, and here I am at work, type-typing away, with no tooth fragments in my mouth from the gnashing, and no stress migraine.

But the Rents were upset, telling me that

[a] it was irresponsible of me to not have copied the damn key myself (true, but then it is hard to do on a weekday with the schedule of store hours and my work timings; and weekends just vanish), and

[b] I was being a pushover and letting myself be taken advantage of AGAIN! (referring to their interpretation of the whole sordid OOF epsiode) since *I* am the rent-paying tenant and the maid is secondary to me!

I do see their point, and I wonder if I am being too Zen.

On the whole though, I think it's quite worth it ;)


  1. I have to say - I agree with your parents.

  2. i agree! though which bit do YOU agree with?

  3. Both a & b. Though I'm perhaps a little more forgiving of a. than your parents might have been! :)

  4. PS. If you do reply to the earlier comment, could you email me - I might forget to come back & check here.

  5. I think the question is how long can you sustain the zenness? Especially if people's irritating behaviour is more than minor things, which it seems to be. I guess the true zen (or anyway practical) way would be to address but address calmly. Easier said than done, I know/

  6. Broom, yeah.
    Bride, true, and that's just it, not getting upset means I can address calmly! but then again sometimes i think one must yell or boys just can't be bothered to even remember that they're doing something annoying or stupid or selfish or whatever.

  7. The Dragon of course is generally late and irresponsible. Except when it comes to the Mincat, so I supposed I could be blamed for ruining you. *SIGH* The crimes i have committed! (heeheehee)

    We should of course open a crisis centre. For when we have overlapping crises!

  8. well dragonet, you are not my SigOth! and you think there is no Zen for you? ;) Yes crisis centre! you realise this is four parallel!