Friday, February 09, 2007


Do you ever have a sense of entitlement about some things? Do you ever resent time for going by and never coming back? Do you ever feel like you've been cheated, you are being cheated, of things that are important to you, even if they aren't to other people? Does it ever happen that you tell yourself about the worst case scenario, because the multiverse is supposed to prove you wrong and then it doesn't?

The difference between caring and not, no? You broke your leg, I'm sorry to hear that. You stubbed your toe, how is it today? What's the difference? [no, its not a stalker.]

Yeah MinCat talks big, but she's as much a coward as anyone else. Sure her excuse is that she's eighteen in her head, and people expect her to be twenty-four. But its not just that. What is she scared of? She doesn't know. She's scared that her backup plans will be her only choice. She's scared that while she's distracting herself from the possibility that she won't ever get what she really wants, while she's off chasing balls of wool labelled International Law and Consulting, she'll have lost all chances of that one thing she really wanted, and then she won't be twenty-four ever again. She wonders why she preaches so much and reviles those who don't practice what they preach, and yet forces herself to put things into moulds and then is upset when they don't fit perfectly. She writes posts about how people are immature and can't open up to experiences and other people, and yet, she isn't any different. She dooesn't have the courage to ask for what she wants, because she knows she has the courage to deal with not getting it, but she doesn't want to have to do it.

She doesn't even have the courage to speak in first person.


  1. *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug*

    i wonder...

  2. Who really knows? And I think Mincat, if she though about it, would realize that nearly everyone is scared shitless.

    Much much love,

  3. gai, thanks kanna

    veo: i guess, but thats really cold comfort no? anyway, tlaked to mommy for half an hour and so is better. *sniffle*