I'm trying REALLY hard

In an attempt to start writing again, here is TIME's Top 100 novels of all time from 2005, which I shall now assess and see how I measure up to it. Then I'm making a list of the books I'm going to try and read in 2005, and then maybe write about them. Though why I must choose to do this while I live in HYDERABAD, forget about India, I dunno.

Also, The Bride and I are co-reading The Mahabharata, like she did Joyce! WooOOt!

1. The Adventures of Augie March: Saul Bellow nope, might want to
2. All the King's Men: Robert Penn Warren nope
3. American Pastoral: Philip Roth nope, but I read another one by him, sort of what if Lindbergh had become President, and it was frankly, boring.
4. An American Tragedy: Theodore Dreiser never even heard of this one
5. Animal Farm: George Orwell but of course
6. Appointment in Samarra: John O'Hara nope
7. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret: Judy Blume many many, MANY times
8. The Assistant: Bernard Malamud nope, no clue who he is
9. At Swim-Two-Birds: Flann O'Brien ditto
10. Atonement: Ian McEwan the trailer of the movie bored me so much I shudder to think of watching the movie let alone reading the book!
11. Beloved: Toni Morrison in college, and I LOVED it. SO MUCH. What a genius writer.
12. The Berlin Stories: Christopher Isherwood nope
13. The Big Sleep: Raymond Chandler I think I read one of his novels once, but was too young. Stick this on the list.
14. The Blind Assassin: Margaret Atwood I have either read this or it has sat on my shelf for ages taunting me. I think it should go on the list either way! Had her poetry in college, and loved it; also read Cat's Eye, I think, and A Handmaid's Tale.
15. Blood Meridian: Cormac McCarthy *shudder* I feel like I've read something by him... (yes I am hopeless at remembering authors' names) Sounds a bit bloodthirsty for me, but maybe it can go on a waiting list.
16. Brideshead Revisited: Evelyn Waugh Always wanted to read her because of glancing references in Wodehouse. On the list she goes.
17. The Bridge of San Luis Rey: Thornton Wilder See, just for San Luis Rey, I'll try reading it.
18. Call It Sleep: Henry Roth nope
19. Catch-22: Joseph Heller Yes, but can't quite see the brouhaha. Did read it in one sitting though, so must have something.
20. The Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger Yes, and man was it boring. Sorry. I think I was too old, plus I don't really identify with self-destructive irresponsible types... yes yes high horse.
21. A Clockwork Orange: Anthony Burgess *shuddershudderpuke* Never made it through the movie or the book. Quite happy to never try again thank you.
22. The Confessions of Nat Turner: William Styron whoooo?
23. The Corrections: Jonathan Franzen whaaaa?
24. The Crying of Lot 49: Thomas Pynchon I feel like this guy is famous for a butterfly thing. Or not, his wikipedia page reveals that I am unlikely to like him. "Thomas Ruggles Pynchon, Jr. (born May 8, 1937) is an American novelist based in New York City and noted for his dense and complex works of fiction."
25. A Dance to the Music of Time: Anthony Powell nope
26. The Day of the Locust: Nathanael West nope
27. Death Comes for the Archbishop: Willa Cather nope (why have I not heard of any of these people???)
28. A Death in the Family: James Agee nope
29. The Death of the Heart: Elizabeth Bowen nope
30. Deliverance: James Dickey nope
31. Dog Soldiers: Robert Stone nope
32. Falconer: John Cheever nope, but I did read a lovely short story in college. Now if only I could remember what it was.... heh. On the list.
33. The French Lieutenant's Woman: John Fowles Somehow I've never liked the objectification inherent in that title...still, waiting list.
34. The Golden Notebook: Doris Lessing nope, and totally want to.
35. Go Tell it on the Mountain: James Baldwin wait....like a baldwin brother?
36. Gone With the Wind: Margaret Mitchell Many times. Much adore. Takes a twist of the kaleidoscope to see the good in it, and not dismiss it as "romance". I was blown away by the tapestry she weaves around the story, of the South, the Civil War etc.
37. The Grapes of Wrath: John Steinbeck nice. depressing as hell. but brilliant read that paints a beautiful picture.
38. Gravity's Rainbow: Thomas Pynchon see above
39. The Great Gatsby: F. Scott Fitzgerald read it in college and was most bemused. I don't think I ever got the poignance of it, just seemed a bit like Wodehouse, only in America, not as funny and rather more risque. 
40. A Handful of Dust: Evelyn Waugh see prev
41. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter: Carson McCullers say whaaa? Also, I'm torn between wanting to read it cos a Boy wrote it and choking on giggles because a Boy wrote it. Waiting list methinks.
42. The Heart of the Matter: Graham Greene Ah Graham Greene. I read the one about the Catholic priest on the run in Mexico. Something and something. Or is that the Faulkner theme?
43. Herzog: Saul Bellow hrfxt
44. Housekeeping: Marilynne Robinson Again, it tempts me, but I think it's probably about some deep crisis in suburbia, not chicklitt. Waiting list
45. A House for Mr. Biswas: V.S. Naipaul See, I tried to read Among the Believers and it was horrible. Naipaul just seems like such a whiny, patronising bitch. Really. I think my horror has a lot to do with early exposure to some non-fiction of his.
46. I, Claudius: Robert Graves LOVE LOVE LOVE. Anything by the man. In fact, I think it's time I re-read this one and it's sequel. On the list to goes!
47. Infinite Jest: David Foster Wallace Something about that title makes me wary... Waiting list
48. Invisible Man: Ralph Ellison nope
49. Light in August: William Faulkner nope
50. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe: C.S. Lewis like 50 times? Much prefer the Voyage of the Dawn Treader myself.
51. Lolita: Vladimir Nabokov meh. Really overrated, either for scandal or for anything else. The one Nabokov I really liked was called Laughter in the Dark
52. Lord of the Flies: William Golding Never read it. Always had it on the list. 
53. The Lord of the Rings: J.R.R. Tolkien 13 times I think. Give me The Hobbit any day.
54. Loving: Henry Green whaa
55. Lucky Jim: Kingsley Amis Lord. I've always heard this name, and then Martin Amis of course, and I think I've read him being scholarly about something in my Literature course...but...do I want to read him? Votes anyone?
56. The Man Who Loved Children: Christina Stead Ooooo sounds interesting. On the list, if I can get hold of it.
57. Midnight's Children: Salman Rushdie done. Meh. Well, actually lovely book. but then I read a few more and realised that Mr. Rushdie, much like Sr. Márqeuz has one book to be re-written many times...
58. Money: Martin Amis see above.
59. The Moviegoer: Walker Percy I like the name of the book, and the name of the author even more! Shall try and read if I can get my hands on it.
60. Mrs. Dalloway: Virginia Woolf Ugh. Yes, I've read it. Self-obsess much anyone? I do, however, want to read and/or see The Hours.
61. Naked Lunch: William Burroughs Hee. Deffy want to read.
62. Native Son: Richard Wright no way.
63. Neuromancer: William Gibson Not read, want to read - on the list
64. Never Let Me Go: Kazuo Ishiguro Have tried to read many times...but fall asleep. Shall try one more time.
65. 1984: George Orwell read, and liked very much. Funny, I prefer dystopias to utopias.
66. On the Road: Jack Kerouac never read, allus wanted to. On the list.
67. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: Ken Kesey Have started many times. Will put on waiting list. Maybe.
68. The Painted Bird: Jerzy Kosinski nope
69. Pale Fire: Vladimir Nabokov not really, unless Acrosticus vehemently recommends.
70. A Passage to India: E.M. Forster Lordy...Maybe next year. I think this year is heavy enough with the Mahabharata and Ramachandra Guha's history of modern India.
71. Play It As It Lays: Joan Didion nope
72. Portnoy's Complaint: Philip Roth NO
73. Possession: A.S. Byatt NOOOO
74. The Power and the Glory: Graham Greene Oooo! That's the one! Not bad, I think I might want to re-read it with my more recent appreciation of the history of Mexico.
75. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie: Muriel Spark no
76. Rabbit, Run: John Updike nope. Read a short story, possiby a book of them, and quite liked it. Also like title. So on the list.
77. Ragtime: E.L. Doctorow not read, but I LOVE the name and the title. If-I-Can-Get-It list.
78. The Recognitions: William Gaddis never heard of it
79. Red Harvest: Dashiell Hammett He sounds familiar, but. nope.
80. Revolutionary Road: Richard Yates Lemme make it through the movie awake first...
81. The Sheltering Sky: Paul Bowles Nope.
82. Slaughterhouse-Five: Kurt Vonnegut YESYESYES! Ah I ADORE this man, shall read Cat's Cradle as replacement.
83. Snow Crash: Neal Stephenson no
84. The Sot-Weed Factor: John Barth no
85. The Sound and the Fury: William Faulkner o lordy, no!
86. The Sportswriter: Richard Ford nope
87. The Spy Who Came in From the Cold: John le Carre never read him, though my dad has em all. Shall stick in on the list for lighter reading.
88. The Sun Also Rises: Ernest Hemingway Have read Farewell to arms, and the Old Man and the Sea. Toss it on the list.
89. Their Eyes Were Watching God: Zora Neale Hurston Er...don't know how to react. Votes either way anyone?
90. Things Fall Apart: Chinua Achebe Yes indeedy, and the other three in the series, plus other ones by him. Quite liked it.
91. To Kill a Mockingbird: Harper Lee Lovely lovely lovely, of course. I'm probably the only girl I know who didn't want to be Scout. Though I might name my next puppy that.
92. To the Lighthouse: Virginia Woolf *brrrrr* no.
93. Tropic of Cancer: Henry Miller nope
94. Ubik: Philip K. Dick Been dying to read him, but am open to other recommendations by him.
95. Under the Net: Iris Murdoch My parents had one of her books, The Sea The Sea, and it always seemed so strange and scary and yet boring. Waiting list.
96. Under the Volcano: Malcolm Lowry Wikipedia leads me to think that's a yes. If I can find it.
97. Watchmen: Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons Eeeeeep no. I've tried. And even seen and quite disliked the movie.
98. White Noise: Don DeLillo Haven't read, putting on waiting list
99. White Teeth: Zadie Smith *SHUDDERRRRRRRRRRRR* nevermore. I actually finished it cos The Roommate loved it so much. But. No. Never. Again.
100. Wide Sargasso Sea: Jean Rhys Awwww read in college alongside Jane Eyre. In fact, fairly sure I did a seminar on it or something. Quite lovely.

In which we are bitten by the Zen

Yes, quite the oxymoron. It refers, however, to the new Zennity that has pervaded my life. I'm at a loss to explain how the switch flipped, but I simply can't be bothered to get upset about things anymore - quite the reversal from flipping out over every tiny thing.

Essentially, after a fraught month of not enjoying my time with BBot much because I was angry with him for being perpetually late (by a minimum of thirty minutes, which, added to my minimum of ten minutes early for everything, makes it forty), not answering the phone, stealing my laptop charger without telling me and making me feel like in his estimation whatever I was doing that might have been lost if the laptop crashed was worthless, or doing small but infinitely annoying things that matter to me, I took a deep breath one day and decided it just wasn't worth it. Granted, the annoyance can sometimes be very real, like missing the beginning of a movie, or leaving someone waiting for you all alone for an hour, but the solutions are simple - plan for the lateness! If the punctuality is that important, retain control of your travel arrangements. If the crisis is so bad, call your mum! Or the Dragon. Because you cannot control another person, nor can you control most events, which makes it far more important for relationships and blood pressure to just deal with what happens instead of ranting about how it should have been.

Now this seems to be sound relationship advice, and I must say it has had a wonderfully idyllifying effect on my relationship. I find, however, that it's also spilled over into other things!

There was a serious snafu with the key to my house, which meant that I was locked out on arrival and stranded without access to work clothes or work laptop, and the New Flatmate (NF) was off on a trip. I stood there and began to fume - what the fuck! I've told him a million times he should check to see the spare is outside before locking up! I also asked him a million times to get the key copied so the maid and I will BOTH have keys! After adjusting to his routine I was the one who'd have to find a locksmith, miss half a day of work, have the house broken into and a new lock put in, and deal with the building (my name's not on the lease) if they asked quesitons, and worse still, deal with the Horrid Brownnosing Boss (HBB).

But then, I suddenly took a deep breath and realised, I could get a loaner laptop, and I was planning to sleep at the parents anyway. I could go to work for this one day, and since the next day before the return of NF is a holiday, I'd be fine. So I didn't yell at NF on the phone, I did sleep well, I did have a relaxed morning, and here I am at work, type-typing away, with no tooth fragments in my mouth from the gnashing, and no stress migraine.

But the Rents were upset, telling me that

[a] it was irresponsible of me to not have copied the damn key myself (true, but then it is hard to do on a weekday with the schedule of store hours and my work timings; and weekends just vanish), and

[b] I was being a pushover and letting myself be taken advantage of AGAIN! (referring to their interpretation of the whole sordid OOF epsiode) since *I* am the rent-paying tenant and the maid is secondary to me!

I do see their point, and I wonder if I am being too Zen.

On the whole though, I think it's quite worth it ;)

Changes

Minor they might be, to the template. Book list updated - if you like the idea, tell me and hopefully I'll remember to update it more!
Am also hoping it reminds me to read. Heh.

Also added link to Photography website - please visit, leave me comments and PIMP IT! =D

Blogroll duly updated to feature the best of reader.

All this and more in the

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IMPROVED...

DAME LO QUE QUIERO!

Unnerving question

"So, are you in love?" asked the sweet little Brazilian boy.

The boy was surfing our couch, and I had just muttered something about BBot, who was not there. The question took me aback. I stuttered and said I know I love him, but I hadn't really thought about it that way. Which led to the other disturbing question, "Are you happy?" More on that another time.

Once I began to think of it, I began to wonder: what does it mean to be "in love"? Can't stay away from each other? Call and text all the time? Can't keep hands off each other? Never fight? Physically joined together at all times? Nauseate everyone around you? Fight, but can't bear to not make up immediately? Have huge disagreements, of a fundamental nature, and cry and shout and snarl and positively dislike the other person, but be incapable of conceiving being apart or giving them up or finding someone else?

Never say never

I have never been a girly-girl, or cursi as my dear friend R would say. I wear skirts, and dangling earrings, but I'm not "put together"; I don't do "outfits"; I just throw stuff together, check to see it doesn't clash horribly, wiggle to see if I'm comfy, and am out the door. I also never do anything much with my hair - I manage to comb it once every three days. Sometimes less. I usually yank it back into a ponytail, scraped tight because I hate wisps.

But no, I have suddenly caught myself becoming one of those girls!

It all started with BBot telling me I should part my hair on the side. Then he moved on to ohhh don't tie it up you look so pretty, followed by stealing of hair bands. Then I found a haircutter (much like a woodcutter?) who gave me bangs. And another one who gave me MORE, and shorter, bangs. Which are pretty and all, but when I wash my hair and it's doing it's curly-wavy thing, it's a horror.

So, from a girl who washes her hair, grabs a hair tie and scrapes it back into a ponytail or a bun, I have become a girl who washes her hair, blow dries and irons the front, and then ties back the wet hair in the usual bun, with bangs framing my face.

I have also started dressing "together"! A lot has to do with acquiring trendy clothes that FIT, and getting over some body issues, but put the two together and look! I'm a whole other person!

I also used to say, that once I acquired a SigOth, I would not be one of those people who stops hanging out with her friends, and spends all her time home with boy, or hanging out with other couples.

HAH!

Fat chance.

Whod'a thunk it?

Humming

(aside) I have the workout tingles again!

This morning, in the shower, I found myself humming. What! you cry, the HORROR! HUMMING! in the SHOWER!!

Yes, yes, pipe down, it's perfectly normal, I know.

However, I only ever hum in the shower when I'm very serene and content. Which, in the light of the the events of October and November, is surprising!

The Roommate left for greener pastures in March this year, and since OOF found himself homeless, it made a lot of sense for him to move in. Which he did. To the horror of pretty much everyone who has known us a long time. Ah how right they were =) I'll spare you all the details, but after six months of happy happy joy joy love love, it all kinda exploded, and it turned out that little, if any at all, had changed from our earlier relationship. Well, with the exception of my being in love with him, thereby rendering my doormatness even less justified. And us being considerably older, and therefore even less justification for childish behaviour on both sides. But he's gone now, back to Mommy thank the lord, and I'm left alone in my beloved flat.

At first I was horribly sad. There were at least two episodes of sobbing. Then, I was tense, because he was around and I just wanted closure! Put two passive aggressive drama queens in a complicated situation and you bet there's a ton of drama! After he left, I was relieved, intensely so - until I was livid at his parting behaviour, which really should not have surprised me in the least, since I have always quietly accepted his unacceptable behaviour and neither called him on it nor made him deal with the consequences, so why shouldn't he expect that I clean up his trash after he moves out?

I got past the anger, at myself for thinking he could change and caring so much that he do so, with some serious cuddles from the BBot, and settled down to unease. I was just jittery in my own house. I didn't want to be there alone. Some of this might have to do with reading the Twilight Saga (STOP at book 3 people!), but I was seriously unsettled by my extreme reluctance to be in my own home! I mean, I LOVE being home!

This past weekend, Momma sternly told me to be a grown up and stay in my own house, which I did. And all week I've been joyously coming home to curl up in bed at 10pm, and partake of my own, very scintillating thank you very much, company. This morning was wonderful - getting out of my toasty bed into the cold winter air, going to the gym and coming back, making tea with the kitchen windows open, and lounging on the couch in my OWN mess. I find that, even though I've always been the kind of person who likes company - someone else somewhere doing their own thing - I am equally happy on my own.

Now, if I could only find a maid...

Zindagi ke do ghante Kurbaan.

And I'll never get them back either.

On friday, the boyfriend (also known as BBot), for reasons not even known by him anymore, went into a frenzy of excitement, because Kurbaan was out on Friday. "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASECANWEGOSEEIT???" he said, and so, against my better judgement I booked us tickets for a show on Sunday.

Unfortunately, my very favourite laugh-till-you-split movie review site had one up on saturday, and since we all know MinCat has no self control, I read it. It was all downhill from there.

I will refrain from commenting on the incredible facts of the movie, the cop shooting, the MTA subway that really looks nothing like the subway, the patheticness of Kareena clinging to Saif at the end, etc. But I cannot let the stereotypes go.

Essentially, according to this movie, if you are Muslim, and either wear a beard or a hijab, you're a terrorist.

Seriously.

In a multireligious, already tense society, full of people who think movies are real, and people who go and see the movies only because so-and-so is in it, the potential for danger is insane. Isn't there enough prejudice and violence in the world today without gratuitously adding to it? Seriously, considering the long and illustrious Muslim heritage of the male lead, and his education and general intelligence, how on EARTH did he let it happen?